home and missing the burg!

i just got home and i already wanna leave. ugh! can my family be any more toxic? answer, probably. anyways, i’ve been taking it ridiculously easy since i got home, cause i think i deserve it. it’s been a long year and even longer semester if you can believe it. anyways, i need to get to finding a job. i need money to get back to lu in the fall. i NEED TO GO BACK. i refuse to be stuck here any time past august 20th. God has to get me away from here! i can’t stay here. my mom has it in her head that i’m going to stay here another year, but nope. she wants me to go to a seminary school here in the area, but that means i have to stay home. i don’t think so. i don’t need to hear that i do nothing right or nothing at all. i’m sick and tired of hearing it right now. i mean come on! i’ve been gone for a total of eight months out of twelve! but they still think i’ve done nothing.

ugh! i need to get out! i need to find jobs that will keep me busy for the majority of the day and that pay somewhat decent so i can go back to school. i will pay for my sophmore year. i don’t mind. i just need the money to do so.

oh how it would be wonderful if someone out there would pay for my school! but that would never happen to me. first of all, i’m nothing special. second of all, i don’t have that sort of luck (though i wish i did). third of all, i’m going into ministry, how many people would be willing to pay for a college student majoring in YOUTH MINISTRY??? ugh. it’d be nice not to worry about paying for school though…. but that’s a dream definitely not possible for me..

well…….. i got my laptop back yesterday. everything’s gone on it because they had to replace the hard drive, but i have it almost back with all my stuff on it. i lost videos of my friends and i just being dorks, which is sad, but i can’t do much else about it.

God,

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE! PLEASE PROVIDE A WAY FOR ME TO GO BACK TO LIBERTY IN THE FALL. I CAN’T STAY HOME, YOU KNOW THAT. PLEASE. PLEASE. PLEASE. PLEASE. PLEASE. PROVIDE THE MONEY NEEDED. PROVIDE ME WITH A JOB THAT CAN HELP ME GO BACK TO SCHOOL! PLEASE!!!

Amen.

*sigh* anyways,  that’s it for now. i’m going to finish filling out applications and keep searching for last minute scholarships and grants. i think i’m going to have to take out another loan, not that i would want to, but i might not have any other choice.

[10.39pm]NEWELL BARELY PASSED ME!! how infuriating is that?!? i got a stinking C! i KNOW i didn’t do that bad. ugh! i’m ticked but glad at the same time. ticked he barely passed me (possible reasons as to why are definitely circling my mind..) but glad i actually passed. spring semester was definitely NOT my semester. ugh! have to retake two classes, withdrew from another. barely passed english. know i didn’t pass intro to children’s ministry (cause i stopped going). UGH!  only class i passed with an A was GNED! that irks me!! fall semester ’10 WILL be better. I WILL REDEEM MYSELF AND WORK MYSELF TO THE GROUND IF I MUST! I WILL NOT FAIL ANYTHING! God, please don’t let me fail anything……….

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