So this summer has been quite different from all the other ones. It’s been harder to be home this summer than any other summer. So many things have changed in others, with others, and within myself. But there’s one thing that has been on my mind this whole summer, TO CHERISH THE MOMENTS YOU SPEND WITH OTHERS BECAUSE YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN THEY’LL BE GONE. It’s a mindset that I decided to have after Natalie’s death. It’s hard to have this mindset 100% of the time, because you don’t always feel up to it or the other person makes it impossible to enjoy the time you’re spending with them or you’re just done with feeling the pain of an empty spot that they used to hold in your heart and mind.
I did have some people in my life that I cared for deeply and still do, but they decided to walk out. Which is fine if they felt the need to, but it hurt me. I did and will always value the time I spent with them, because after all they are fond memories. There are people that I would hang out with every summer that I didn’t hang out with at all this summer or did only a handful of times… if that. In the end, we all grow up and move on. We all follow a separate path that at one point or another intersected with each other’s. It’s sad to look back at it now and realize that they’re no longer a part of my life, but I can do nothing about it after already trying to reach out. If they didn’t respond… well nothing else can be done.
The time I did spend with others around me weren’t always the most beautiful. I had arguments, fights and the sorts with others which makes it very hard to keep the time I spent with them as a good memory. But I also had some beautiful times with beautiful people. I made new friend and was able to strength other friendships. I have new experiences, new likes, new dislikes, and I’ve learned a lot about myself and others. There are times that I wish I had captured a moment with a picture for the sake of having something physical to look at.
You really never know when will be the last time you will see your friends and family. One day they can be there and the next they can be gone. It’s hard to cherish moments with certain people, I won’t lie. But it’s harder to think that maybe you won’t see them again. So I tried hard to enjoy the company of those around me. Even if they were bitter moments, I tried to look for a little bit of sweetness. Of course there are people and moments in which you can’t find a bit of sweetness and you don’t try. For those moments or even people, the best thing to do is to forget them. What good does it do you??
I enjoyed my summer, even though it was a tough one to ge t through. As my summer home wraps up, I will continue to cherish and make beautiful memories and continue to cherish and love my friends and family. I will take the memories with me and even if I don’t see some of these people again… I will have the memories we made. I will have the sweetest of memories.
I will say that with this there can be a negative aspect to if you don’t see them again… you hurt. With Natalie, I remember all the times we hung out, the conversations we had, the problems that only the other one could help us through… but it has also left a deep wound now that she’s gone. One thing is for sure, I will never regret my friendship with her. And I don’t regret the pain that I find myself feeling, because after all… that’s the pain that those with a heart feel. With her passing, I have found myself scared of making memories, but I’ve realized that instead of trying to steer clear of them. I need to embrace them and welcome them, along with welcoming new people into my life. No matter how much they may hurt me later. I need to feel.
So, I love those that have made my summer worthwhile. I love all the new people in my life. I love the memories. Sometimes it’s not about preventing the pain, it’s about welcoming the happiness that comes before the pain and the knowledge that comes after it.