So, it seems like lately, I’ve had lots of things on my mind as the inevitable time to go back to school approaches. And it seems like a good amount of my thoughts have circles around a certain group of people and that a lot of it has ended up on here.
As I was packing today, it became clear that I really, really, REALLY, do not wish to go back to Liberty. It’s not that I don’t like Liberty, because I love it. It’s because here at home… I’ve found a happiness that since last year, just kept running away from me. On top of that, I just found out that I’m going to become an aunt. So it’s exciting. And painful… but I won’t get into that. Anyways, home for the most part has become a place of peace and that’s never been the case before. It’s amazing!
Even though home has gotten better for me, it’s not the reason why I would stay home. I realized that if a certain handful of people would have asked me to not go and just stay here, I would’ve. Which is where the problem lies. See, I know that Liberty is where I need to be for right now. Whether it be for one more semester or my whole college career, I know that that’s where God wants me. So for me to be able to be obedient to God’s plan, certain people have to act a certain way that will make me wanna run from this place. It really didn’t click till today, when I was crying and packing… Yes, crying. When I mean I really don’t want to go back, I mean I REALLY DON’T WANT TO GO BACK. Anyways, while I was packing it dawned on me, that if these people would’ve asked me to stay… I would. But since God wants me there and not here, He moved people around so that He could have me where He wants me.
Sneaky God? Yes. Even though that’s the case, I still marvel at how things worked out. That guy that I’ve mentioned a couple times on here?? Another guy that I was enjoying getting to know? My sister? My mom? I would have said yes to all of them. Ha. But He made it so that I wouldn’t really have a friendship with the first guy now, had the second guy scold me and kiss up to a pastor through his daughters (My theory anyways), for my relationship with my sister to be in trouble because of what’s going on, even more strained relationship with my mom… I’m sure He had a lot to with it. And now, I just had to laugh about it. He knew before I realized that I would’ve stayed if they had asked me.
It’s definitely interesting how everything is coming together for me to be able to make myself go back to Liberty one more year. I really don’t want to go back, but i know that’s where I need to be… for God and for myself… and well for whoever I may encounter in the future. My heart’s not completely into Liberty anymore, but it’s still into God. So there you go.
Yeah… I do deep thinking while I pack… and listen to music… and cry…. and clean. Anyways, I gotta get back to cleaning and packing while listening to music. Just thought I should share what I realized, because it pretty much amazed me.