God has blessed me so much this past month and a half… almost two. I have and am going through many trials right now, but I still can’t help but feel blessed. I have my dad, who is sick; my sister who is pregnant; my mom who is trying to deal with my sister (mainly) and my dad’s sickness, not to mention the fact that I’m sick and have been in and out of the doctor’s and on different medications and she can’t be with me; my heart has been broken by a boy who I thought was a friend (but who I had come to have feelings for) but has been acting childish; work and school and trying to balance those two with having a social life; and just the devil trying to deceive me about the way I should see myself. So many things in my life that have made me cry, sad, mad, and bitter. And though all these things have hurt me deeply, I have come to see the blessings that were brought about by them. I have learned to lean more on my Father and Savior, I have realized my sins and how they were affecting the flow of blessings in my life, I have been giving greater responsibility now that I am getting closer to God and have gotten rid of those sins, I have been blessed with a group of girls on my hall that I can minister to (I know the boy wanted me on leadership on my hall… sad that I can’t tell him, but also sad that somehow he was indirectly/directly keeping me from getting such a huge responsibility/honor/job), I am happier though there is sadness in my life, and I have peace through all of this.
To say that all moments have been happy and that I have never experienced great sadness would be a lie. I have cried for all these situations and the frustrations that come with them. I have shed tears for the people that matter and the people that I know aren’t worth a single of those tears. I have been mad at God (and told Him). I have cried out to God in anger, bitterness, sadness, pain… I have begged God for those people and those situations. I have also gone all the way to beg God for amnesia or memory loss just to forget him. But even still… I have had great joy and happiness.
I have been blessed to have people in my life who are praying for me and my family. People who… have gotten so mad and frustrated for my situation with this guy that they want to beat the crap out of him for hurting me. I have been blessed with much love that I can feel God through their love a lot of the time. I am not carrying the weight of all these things alone (something I’m still learning is okay), because those that love and care for me won’t let me. They have graciously taken up some of my load and are praying. I am blessed to have many pastors and teachers at my church and school keeping me in their prayers and encouraging me in a Godly manner on a daily basis. I am blessed to have brothers and sisters who take care of me and look out for my well-being and health when I don’t have the energy to do so.
I am reading His Word more and more and can’t get enough of it. I am seeing and learning truths that I had not realized were there. I am growing in His Word. I am overwhelmed with the desire to praise and worship Him more and more and at times where I am being dragged through the mud. I am seeing His hand in my life and feel His presence when I feel that I am “forever alone”. I just can’t get enough of Him. I talk to Him all the time. It’s amazing to see how in my life, God is THERE. I rely on Him so much that I wish I had been this close to Him last year when Natalie passed away. I wish I had realized all this a lot sooner, but I realize that that too was a blessing in disguise.
Anyways, I can’t do anything about these situations, and those that I could’ve done something for, I did. So for now I hold Proverbs 3:5-6 as one of the key verses in my life.
“Trust the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.”
As I read through both Thessalonians, both Timothys and part of Judges and Titus, I have found other verses that have encouraged me and given me strength in my faith and confirmation of God’s love for His children.
But the Lord is faithful, who will establish you and guard you from the evil one. -2Thessalonians 3:3
For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. -2 Timothy 1:7
You therefore must endure hardship as a good soldier of Jesus Christ. -2 Timothy 2:3
But you be watchful in all things, endure afflictions, do the work of an evangelist, fulfill your ministry. -2 Timothy 4:5
I have fought the good fight. I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. -2 Timothy 4:7
God is beauty. He is peace. He is strength. He is love. He is mercy and grace. He is defender of the weak. He is Father, God, Savior, the Great Immanuel, Alpha and Omega, Jehovah, and all that is great!!! All honor and glory be to the King of kings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!